I wish someday you'll understand

Jokes on you im NOT dead!!!!

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 05:12:51 GMT

thats right im not dead.
SUPSISE!!!
ok so maybe thtas not so amazing to hear but it has been a while.
i got creative not long ago and came up with a story that originated from a messed up dream i wouldnt stop having. its fairly messed up and only 1 other person has read it but she liked it so im thinking of putting it somewhere so others can comment. perhaps i will post it here when i have enough courage.
i hope everyone will like it as she did.
talking to her was awsome and we talked about our writting and whatnot which is why i offered for her to read my story. if anyone would appreciate it it would be her.
mt christmas haud was good. i got my corset *happiness is* (even though its a bustier), a flask with 'look how pretty she is when she falls down now theres no beauty in bleeding mascara.' on the front, dvds and plane tickets to queensland.
my birthday (2 weeks and 1 day after christmas) resulted in a decent haud aswell consisting of a black dress that reeks of awsomeness, more dvds, MY FUCKING GUITAR, moneys for my Ls test and a book for me to draw and write in when i get depressed (they didnt mention the depressed bit but every1 knows its true)
any who i should go and do something else. maybe ill go be creative...... just maybe...

Bored....Again

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 11:06:50 GMT

Well I’m on both live journal and myspace.
Talented.
I skipped school today to go motorbike riding with Tim (my bro) and dad. I stacked twice and the first time I stuffed my elbow. It hurts a lot and I’m not liking moving it. Meh could be worse4. I say that a lot but it’s still true.
Not much been happening with me.
Had a massive fight with dad last night (cos he is a bitch) which made me really down. I'm fine now for all those who care.
Gotta figure out this myspace stuff now....
May be a while....

Back to school....

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 11:37:18 GMT

Holidays have been and gone and what fun they were. I didnt get out much and when i did get invited out somewhere i was busy. Such is life. I still have my wonderful boyfriend who can make a cloudy day seen sunny. He is perfect but i just wish my family would approve and let me see him. I know how painful this is for me and i dont want to think how he is taking it. He's not as bad as me when it comes to being self destructive.
On a positive i saw my cousin the other day and he has gotten his tongue peirced. looks wicked. He is rather crazy.
This music isnt helping me feel better about not seing Jared.
" I just want something i can never have."
Very true random line.
Any who.

He has his car back!!!!!!!!!!! Excitement

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 02:34:10 GMT

As you can tell Jared got his car back. He’s coming up to see me this weekend and he says he will pick me up from school when he has his RDO's. I don’t know how long this will last. I don’t believe he will think i'm worth this after he has to keep sneaking me around.
He stands by what he says but I’m just happy to see him whenever I can.
School is interesting. I wrote a poem when I was upset from lack of seeing Jared I wrote it and I wanted to see what my English teacher thought of it so I handed it in to her about 3 days ago. She still hasn’t said anything to me. Ill post the poem some other day maybe today if I get bored again.
its spring today. im so happy about it. miniskirt weather. that makes me sound like a skank but i just prefer skirts to pants cos most pants make me look fat and miniskirts are just better than long ones.

Such is life....

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 01:31:56 GMT

I do not understand what goes on in the heads of the people around me. I cannot begin to contemplate why the fuck people do or say the things that they do.
Maybe i'm just being blind on purpose so as to avoid seeing the hate in others eyes. Pathetic as I am.
I thought up something the other day when I woke up and I tried to write it down but when I got a pen most of what I thought up was gone. I managed to get some of it out of my head and it may sound emo as most things expressive nowadays do.
I have noticed how people are, in the crudest words, assholes. Thinking only for themselves an I, sadly, am no acceptation at most times but that is how the world works and as depressing as it may sound it does make the world work.
I realise how many who read this will be saying things like I’m an attention seeking loser and whatnot but I do not really care about what people think otherwise I would probably be dead.
Someone very wise once told me that the opinions of others would be the death of me if cared.
How sad is the world. But there is nothing that can be done.

Maths is fun.... I am joking you don't have to kill me!

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 04:06:15 GMT

I am meant to be doing maths work but i don't feel like it. This is boring.
I talked to Jared the other day when he was home from work and almost every sentance i said to him ended in 'Fuck off Ty!'. I havent seen him an almost 4 weeks and it's killing me. We've been togerther for about 2 months and have seen each other twice over that time. I really miss him.
I can't wait till he gets his car and he can come down to see me more often. He might be getting a job in Lilydale at a school (not mine that's for sure) and i said i would visit him. i can't wait!!!!!
Bell might go so i will actually do work i suppose.

Time to vent...

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 02:14:56 GMT

Ok the battery on my iriver just went flat. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
Not happy Jan!!!!!!!!
This weekend is the last time ill see Jared for a very long time and I don’t think mum will let me see him as well as dad now.
HEY YALL THIS IS RONNIES MATE
Yer I am a bit hyperactive at times but I am a cool ass chick :)
Well sorry I think this is meant to be a dark and depressive but I can’t do that coz I am all sunshine and rainbows we are at skool so I wanted to talk ok outi love jess
Back to the dark depression......
I didn’t realize how upset all this shit was making him tho. Mum talked to dad last night and told him that Jared’s mum got worried about him and called her. This all just makes me feel worse.
Such as life.....

The Journey i Chose Is....

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 00:18:54 GMT

I'm in english and i have to do this assignment on a journey or quest and i chose the Titanic because I like disasters.
Sick twisted little me.
I feel like shit today. Cramps and shit like that. Not to mention the most wonderful person in the world, Jared, is now my boyfriend and because hes 18 dad disapproves and refuses to let me see him. Mum approved but told every1 else she didnt.
shes going to talk to dad tomorrow night and we may have to take a break for 3 years!!!!!
he said he would wait that long for me.
hes amazing and i dont want to have do that.
better get back to work now....

Formal was last night

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 10:33:09 GMT

Had the formal last night as the subject would suggest. It was good and all but by god my shoes hurt my feet after about a few hours of jumping around on the dance floor.
Now what without an after party... not that it would matter.
the after party was good because it was just my friends and I hanging out having a bit of fun and just a little more to drink. I didn’t have much alcohol for fear of passing out and waking up naked sticky taped to a pole in the main room of the bungalow we stayed in.
Within an hour mark had puked. Everywhere but the toilet he was aiming for.
At times it seemed like everything was going wrong but it all worked out.
I get to see Jared tomorrow and I can’t wait. I miss him so much. He tells me that he feels that way too. I don’t know how to feel at the moment but I think ill just go with what’s happening. I really like him. I don’t think I’ve felt like this before....

Nil

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 07:02:13 GMT

I ran out of credit...again.
Maybe because I haven’t stopped texting Jared for however long I had credit. It sucks coz I haven’t talked to him or had any contact for about 3 or 4 days.
It’s not that important though.
Its not like there is anything between us.
Tim got a cold or something like that and being the kind considerate person he is decided to share it with me. I've been sick for the first week of school.
Oh well i'm surviving. Not by much but i’m surviving.
Little by little i’m getting better.
Soon to be fine I hope.

Back to school

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 09:06:38 GMT

Well school started today.
Loads of fun.
I talked to my friend lil jess a lot because not many other people have been talking to me.
On a happy note I saw my mate Jared yesterday and we went for a walk down Alsops road and we ended up at some park in Woori Yellic (that’s probably spelt wrong but I don’t care). We sat on swings and listened to his I river for ages and when we got back we just sat and talked about nothing in particular and listened to music.
I love talking to him because we have so much in common. We can talk for hours about nothing and everything. Its great to know someone like that.

Holidays

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 05:51:34 GMT

Its school holidays so i'm bored shitless and all I can think of to do is sit on msn and update my lj (which I don’t usually do).
I ran out of credit on Thursday night and I won’t be able to get anymore until next week some time. That annoys me whenever I want or need credit I don’t have it. Not really but at the moment it’s true.
Oh well. Could be worse.
In life there is always a way in which it could be worse.

Peace

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 10:09:22 GMT

It's been a while.
I haven’t gotten up to much recently. I got out of the house this weekend much to my friend’s happiness. He tells me EVERY time we talk that I need to get out more. It's so true.
Any way I went to Jess H's but not really. If that makes sense. It doesn’t so ill explain. She is house sitting for her uncle and she needed someone to keep her company so matt and I went over. I found out heaps of shit that I didn’t know about my mate matt (alliteration aside). Turns out Jess tells him everything. Doesn’t phase me anymore.
Not much else to say so ill just talk to my friends on msn for a while.

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 10:06:51 GMT

I cant believe that people care. not really but yer.
a guy friend of mine (no not boyfriend) offered to spend the night at mine coz i told him how crappy i felt. it was grate to be able to talk to someone and be able to trust them.
as of late i have lost all trust in the world and its people. no one can be trusted and i cant believe it has taken me this long to figure that out. no matter how good of a friend someone is to me i still dont trust anyone fully accept Maybe Jess Harry and Nathan.
the funny thing is that the guy i told why i didnt trust anyone actually reacted really weird. he told me if i ever wanted the certain people bashed or something like that all i had to do was ask and he said that he was close to ringing one guy because of what i told him.
none of that would make any sense but to me it does so meh.
i downloaded The golden age of grotesque by marilyn manson yesterday and mum cracked it coz it took up 90meg of her downloads...... boo hoo. deal with it.
any way ill go before mum catches me on the net and well kills me.

Legal again

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 02:30:24 GMT

i have legal yet again and as usual i am bored. my teacher isnt here so he gave us an assignment yesterday to finish.... today. mmmmmmmmmm
im in the library and bored shitless.
the bell is gonna go in a minute so i guess ill go
muffy

Easter

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 02:44:17 GMT

Woohoo easter soon.. yay... NOT!!!
i dont like easter much. i cant eat much chocolate otherwise i feel like im gonna puke. fun a.
ne who.
well this is short and sweet so ill close in saying
Die reinste Freude ist die Schadenfreude
it is german and means: Our purest joy comes when people we envy get hurt.
this is the kind of joy you get when celebrities die or overdose on drugs.
weird but true.

I'm a plane... board me!!!

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 12:01:24 GMT

well my bottem retainer plate snapped and now i have to wear my top one full time as apposed to the only at night which it used to be. plus mother has to fork out $560 for the new plate which has a spring in it coz my teeth have moved and the additional cost of another visit ($87 approx).
good fun. well my mouth is killing me and believe me it isnt ging to get better fast and i have the most annoying lisp. yep my own voice is pissing me off. now i can relate everyone else.
well im menat to be in bed so i better go.

Swor sword sword sword sword sword

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 09:37:34 GMT

any way. well mums dog got clipped today and now i refer to it as baldy.
on Monday i spent all day shoveling mulch. my back killed coz i was bending over and standing up over and over and over ect. much painful. oh well im sure ill get paid for it so i really dont care. i was so happy though coz my shoulders got burnt. now i know what you are thinking. why would i be so happy bout my shoulders being burnt? well it is the first time ive been burnt anywhere appart from my lip. any way i got burnt on monday and it was bright red and didnt hurt and on tuesday it was just tan. it never hurt. hehehe. my appologies to those who find being sunburnt the most horrible thing in the world coz it burns like fire but i guess the only reason i really was so happy was coz it never hurt.
well recently i got obsessed with 'flem comics'. any one who has not read them sould find them and do so now.... ok go... its ok you can come back to this. there are well over 400 to choose from but certain ones wont make sense without the previous few. certain friends will know all too well of the character who makes a few appearances known as Hank the dancing abortion. his name says it all.
any way off that subject i got bored and thought hay why not do a few quizs and here is the result for a few of them

Why is your heart consumed with sadness? (Beautiful Pics and 11 deep results)

Sadness consumes you because you opened yourself to someone and they betrayed you, so now, you go through life cold and emotionless.You look back on your past in anger and regret for there was a time when you were happy, and let your guard down enough to have your heart ripped out and burned. Now you go through life knowing that you will never allow yourself to become so vulnerable, nor will you ever put your trust in another. You've become cold and stoic, emersing yourself in solitude rather then surrounding yourself with liers. Yet this is no way to cope with your emotions. To supress them this much, you will someday burst, and that will hurt more then if you face the pain and move on. Not everyone is untrustworthy, and you're not the only one who has ever been betrayed. It's a part of life, unfortunately, yet from this you should see that closing yourself off is only making your anger and pain boil within.
Take this quiz!

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what to you look like on the inside?

this is what you look like
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this is what you look like
Take this quiz!

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</div></div>

I Have KITTIE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 08:14:32 GMT

alright so im compleatly amused that i now have Kittie (an all girl band and the lead singer screams like a guy) it is so compleatly awsome.
i got Kittie off my cousin Alex. he is the best. he just turned 18 and got his ps so he took me for a ride in his new ute. it was so funni coz we were discussing about how we were both shattered about not being able to get in to see Children Of Bodem last time they were here coz at that point he was under 18 and he said that if they came back he would sneak me in. he plays drums and he might teach Jess h if she gets a drum kit.
i was talking to court just before and she was wild. beyond wild she was just fucking nuts. anyway after much discussion about her being so psyco with me constantly asking what drugs she took she told me that she had had panadol. i think every one knows that panadol doesnt get you high and she then said to crush 1/4 of a tablet and snort it but not much more coz it makes you sleepy. hmmmm. i would try it just to see if it works and if it does i have a new way to get through life. joking. would be fun though.
i have to catch up with so many people. Court, Jess Harry, Lil Jess. i know thats not heaps but to me it is and mum is gonna kill me for wanting to be out all the time but meh.

Bored.....

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 23:19:55 GMT

ok so today i have a free in ITM. i'm listening to lil jess next to me with all her music hence the josie and the pussy..........cats. yer i no its gay but youll deal.
so anyway i got a lift to svhool today on dads motorbike and i got off the bike infrount of Shae and all her gay lil friends and they were all baggin me sayin shit like "lets all be cool and big tough goth and her dad," i dont care they are all gay.
i cant wait for school to end. i want to get away from all these people. they shit me up the wall. suppose it could be worse.
im getting sick of all the random crap that comes up in everyday life that i just have to tak in in my stride and deal with. i realise thta there are people out there that have it worse than me but that dont help me now does it.
ill get over it though wont i.

bored.....

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 01:11:25 GMT

my mum has introduced me to Malibu... coconut rum. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i love it. i took some home to dads.
Reality is starting to settle in. I'm starting to realise that im gonna be here for a while. Malibu helps. i skulled a little bit before to help me stay awake. it worked.
jess harry and i were dipping her dummy into it and she loves it too.
i'm gonna go and "do work".
tch you dont actually believe me do you. dont im just gonna work on my website.

I have an arm sock!!!! OMG thats amusing

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 03:04:13 GMT

ok so im ment to be working on some assignment but i cant be fuked plus it has to be about a hero but i dont know who is a hero. well my boy friend dumped me and i cried. im ova it. ill be fine. at least we are talking now. life goes on. any way i have an arm sock and it has a pigs arse on it. dude thats strange.
kk i found a hero. im gonna do Joan Of Arc. wOOt wOOt.
im so bored.
im hyped up.
heheheheh Pigs Arse.
ha i saw wayne on the week end and OMFG he is goddamn HOT!!!!
it was so fun he want on a nudie run in the middle of the night and sat on a sprinkler and complained about the pressure on his butt. gay leg is this other dude who is in a wheel chair and wayne took his wheel chair off him and ran off to give it to his brothers woman coz she was pissed blind and kept falling over. then we wanted to play spin the bottle with waynes phone but it didnt spin well enough so he cracked it and we played truth or dare and
wayne and gay leg had to pash. that was hilarious.
ok im gonna go and try and do work.

21

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 06:09:59 GMT

Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Dont read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people. Do not do it in any particular order.

Ready, Go!

1. Orry
2. Lil Jess
3. Big Jess
4. Courtney
5. Matt Jr
6. Dad
7. Mother Dear
8. Matt S
9. Dave
10. Brian Deegan
11. Shane
12. Christine
13. Cameo
14. Bec G
15. Katelyn
16. Kate M
17. Eathan
18. Nick
19. Bimal
20. Devon
21. Tim

THE QUESTIONS:

How did you meet 14? At school through Lil Jess

What would you do if you had never met 6? Dead……duh

What would you do if 20 and 9 dated? Freak out. Would be funny though

Did you ever like 11? Not the way you’re thinking

Would 4 and 12 make a good couple? NO

Describe 8: Funny ummmmmm he’s matt what else could I say.
Do you think 13 is attractive? Not really.

Tell me something humiliating about 15? I cant remember anything

What's 21's favorite color? Blue I think……

What would you do if 18 just confessed they like you? Laugh my ass off.

What language does 20 speak? Not mine that’s for sure. Lol

Who is 9 going out with? right now? His penis

What grade is 16 in? 10 that is if she hasn’t gotten kept bak

When's the last time you talked to 14? On msn ages ago I think.

What is 2's favorite band? Umm errr I cant memba…… Don’t hate me

Would you ever date 7? Umm no that would be rong.

Would you ever fall in love with 1? Bit late to ask that isn’t it.

What is 19's last name? Simbal

Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 5? Oh yer hes so sexy. Jokes we’re just friends and that’s the way it will always be.

What school does 3 go to? mine

Where does 17 live? Montrose

Are number 7 & 8 Best friends? I wouldn’t think so

Do you like 10? Yer in a creepy fan like way

try it out

I'm not actually deppressed but if i was this would be why

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 00:52:42 GMT

You scored as Love. Love is the cause of your depression. You have most likely been used or heartbroken by someone before, and this has hurt you badly. Yet you are determined to find your one true love, knowing that they will make verything ok for you again. Your only fear is you'll never find them, or that you will be used/heartbroken again. Love is what consumes you.
Please rate.

</td>

Love

88%

Lonliness

69%

Friends

66%

People

66%

Past

44%

Stress

41%

Family

41%

Death

28%

What causes you to be depressed?
created with QuizFarm.com

Its a bit late now but i can still try and complete this.

In the year 2006 I resolve to:

Teach my dog to fly.

Get your resolution here

Almost 15

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 23:37:19 GMT

ok its only 2 days till my bday. wOOt wOOt. im so excited coz i get a new bikini. i get some presents today but im not complaining.
dad starts work on my bday. oh well that means i can sleep in.
on a coplleatly different subject...... did you know that they can make see through boxer shorts....... i didnt know that. sad thing is my cousin told me. he got some for christmas from his mum and just had to share it with us. hes awsome though. he like Pantera and he thinks im awsome coz i do too.
i miss orry. i talked to him last night till about 9:15. i usually have to get off the phone at 8:30. before last night i hadnt talked to him in ages. i havent seen him in about 2 weeks. its seroiusly killing me.
oh well ill see him tomorrow and on my bday hopefully.
my grand parents are here to give me that bday presents that i so carefully wraped. yes i wraped them myself. i know thats sad.